Igritude
languagehat draws our attention to a newly-coined word, "igry," which means "painfully embarrassed for or uncomfortable about someone else’s incredibly poor social behavior" (see also this Monkeyfilter thread). The concept of shame felt on behalf of another person, who should really be the one feeling the shame (but isn’t), interests me; I’ve been thinking about recently about the contagiousness of emotions. (Emotion has become one of the New Hot Topics among Eng-lit scholars, and people have suddenly started talking about it.) I’ve a mind to write to a former classmate who wrote her dissertation on shame and the Romantics and ask her how often the term "Spanish shame" is used to describe the same phenomenon. By the way, I don’t think cringing or cringy quite covers it: cringing, to me, implies embarrassment at oneself. Igry, as defined above, seems more exclusively to mean embarrassment that isn’t about one’s own self-image and yet is felt keenly as embarrassment. This is an interesting distinction to make, because it raises all kinds of questions about where we locate the boundaries between ourselves and other people. Does igritude imply identification with the blissfully unaware person who induces it? Or is it a way of distancing oneself: at least I’m embarrassed, even if so-and-so isn’t?
And when does the igry feeling drift over into cringing? If, for example, you’re in a public place with a significant other who is throwing a temper tantrum worthy of a five-year-old because the two of you have just missed your train, and you’re wincing in utter mortification at said significant other’s behavior, is it igritude, or is it also personal shame at being seen in public with this igry-making person?* There was an entire show about "cringe moments" on This American Life a few years back, during which Ira Glass concluded that we cringe when we go out of our way to humiliate ourselves. But a lot of the cringe stories told during the show have an igry component as well, especially the segment on the cringe-factor in reality TV — which is really all about the moments that induce the igry response.
Anyway. Lovely instance of what happens when someone names a previously not-quite-named concept. I think I’ll try introducing igry into conversation and see what happens.
*I didn’t make up that example, by the way. Looking back on it (it was almost ten years ago) makes me both igry and cringy. Since then I’ve learned: do not date those who make you igry.
The point of much television and movies today is to engender that feeling in the audience. See: reality shows, omst romantic comedy, and especially every movie Drew Barrymore has starred in for the past few years.
I think igry is a weak meaning, so embarassment about your SO is too strong for it. Might be just me, though.
Have you ever gone out to dinner with a group of academics, say, after a talk, or some other similar occasion? If you listen to the way they usually talk to the “help,” err … I mean the server, and if you have a shred of decency about you, I suspect “igry” is precisely how you have felt.
Here’s a question. What is the difference between “igry” and feeling mortified? Up until this morning, I have always assumed that what I was feeling about 15 minutes in to the dinner at a restaurant with academics was mortification. But I like that there may be a more appropriate, and precise word for this experience or feeling.
I was thinking the same thing about mortification. Can you feel mortified on your own behalf, or does that involve looking back on past behavior of your own as if you were another? I suspect mortification only applies when you know or are associated with the person on whose behalf you’re mortified, whereas you can feel igry about the actions of a complete stranger.
My wife was just fumbling for a word about how the Lieberman campaign had made her feel, and I said, “I think [tv actor] Harry Anderson had a word for that.” Dunno what his word was, but “igry” works nicely. Much more elegant than the Goffmanesque phrase “investment in the face of others.”